my lil' mobbettes.

raisin' em right. ha. me and my three younger sisters. love em ta deff.

2008

The end of this year will be proof that one can truly live past the ups and downs that life is known for.

For me, the year started off at an all time high. i was unstoppable and sturdy as stone. I couldn't see the end of each day because I had no doubts or worries. but of course like a musical composition, every high has its low.

It's amazing to see myself still breathing.

I hit rock bottom not towards the END of the year but right smack dab in the middle. I'm definitely no stranger to drama but this year was completely full of it and how unnecessary it was too! i guess some human beings are born equipped with simple and logical personality traits such as humbleness, sympathy, honor, loyalty, self-respect and compassion. i had to deal with the most ugliest people this year and i'm not talking about their looks but their insides. these people were just cruel and unforgiving. granted i had my faults but i did admit them and even apologized. i'm no longer affected by the unsightly sores that stuck on my body like ticks. i hope they are no longer affected either.

Aside from the teenage drama that my adult being was going through, school was taking its toll on me. i've got a year left to go with my studies and it just keeps getting harder and more competitive in my classes. i may not be doing great as the letters are no longer A's but my work speaks for itself. the one habit i can't break is making my parents proud. to fail at this would only mean failure in my eyes, my parents would still support me no matter the circumstance and this i absolutely love about them.

Family is a bit thing with me but this year it became an even bigger thing. the thought of family became so immense it took over my sense of life and death. I knew the day would come because we will all have our days when we have to give up this grand thing called life. For my grandmother her day was on June 5, 2008. aside from the stupid things and people that tried to bring me down during this time, i felt like i had lost all will to live. inang, my grandma, was a mother to me. i am one of the many lucky people to have had her in their life. no words really cannot express how much she meant to me. the hard part about losing her to cancer was that i had watched her slowly slip away and as morbid as this sounds it actually helped. granted i knew she was going to die because of old age one day but to know that it could be anyday, anytime soon, or within minutes it was life haulting. my world was on pause the second i found out. the words that my mom spoke that night inang died cut my line to reality.

inang had raised me to be the way i am. she helped sow my seed and helped me grow it and took care of me in every way she could and i sure as hell did the same. i knew she loved me as much as i loved her. it still brings me to tears thinking about it and i absolutely despise using past tense as if she's now part of my past. i can't do that because even though she was part of my past she helped make my future, therefore she's always my past, present and future.

Shortly after losing inang I had lost my uncle too. but unlike inang, we didn't even know we were going to say goodbye. we were actually supposed to say hello to him when he was scheduled to arrive in america because his visa had been approved. the irony of it all was that while he was at my aunt's funeral who had also died of cancer, my uncle had suffered a stroke. the event of losing uncle candro hurt mom the most because he was her brother and the only sibling from her side of the family that was going to be able to be here in hawaii to give her support in person and not just over the phone. suffering loss this whole year has taught me a lot. and past all the tears i've gained back the strength to smile again.




going through all of this really tore me down like the unforgiving berlin wall, i was ripped apart by life's will and i was left to build myself back up again on my own. the constant disease of being homesick will always aflict my body but i know in the end home will always be there... but then again I WON'T always be there. my goal for 2009 is to dedicate my entire being to becoming successful in wealth, love and life.


i'm a different person but not necessarily a new human but someone who's improved in the necessary departments. i hope that i can hold my word and truly be happy with everything i do.








happy new year everyone.

Must see movie of 2009

"If you don't know, now you know, nigga."

girly time. dior & escada.

so i'm a major fan of dior's diorshow mascara. its a simple, full brush no-eyelash-curler-needed type of mascara which i absolutely LOVE about it because i'm always in a rush to get ready and get out. it plumps up your lashes and curls it with no effort from you. ha. its $24 at sephora and it comes in black, chestnut, azure blue and plum.








another item that's also available at sephora is escada's new fragrance called ocean lounge. i'm actually still loving their moons parkle but i hafta say that ocean lounge is giving moon sparkle some good rubs. its a fresh, crisp flowery smell. less fruity than moon sparkle. escada's fragrances have always been a hit with me, from pacific paradise to sunset heat. even paris hilton's can can perfume smells like escada. ha. it's $70 for the 3.3 oz bottle.

tis the season to be jolly,

falalala, lalalalaaaaaaa.
4 more days until i get to go home! yaaaay!


i was so focused on gettin shit done with school and working on projects that i forgot about my life. crazy as it seems, tho, i think i discovered a little bit more about myself. i can't keep letting the BS bring me down cuz when it comes down to it,

IF YOU AIN'T ON THE GRIND,
YOU GET LEFT BEHIND!





i'm almost done with redesigning my website so far now you get to read my blogs.
:)

now this is gettin ya nails did, woman!

so i'm still on the search for a nail salon either here in AZ or hawaii that does 3D nail design...

here's a few i found online that i thought i'd share with errrrbody. :D

old.

i'm tryin hard to fight this but damn.
i'm feeling age... creeeeep up my doorstep,
whispering wrinkles and slowing down my metabolism.

age keeps finding me when i hide at the gym or
when i slip on that corset.

its not fun anymore. i'm about to let age win.



FUCK THAT.

this christmas,

is one that i'm expecting to be one of the greatest.
i know it's not as long as i'm makin it sound but i haven't touched hawaii soil in 6 months. i'm dying to see my family and friends back home. miss the food, the locals, the beach... EVERYTHING. its one month and counting.


i'm planning to give gifts from the heart this christmas since i spoiled everyone last year. ha. not saying last year's gifts weren't from the heart... i just want everyone to know how much i appreciate them even though they don't need the reminding.



so because i miss hawaii soooo much i did this bit:

the woman forgotten:

i think as women, we've forgotten what it means to be a woman:
to show strength in our confidence not weakness in our insecurities.
its okay to wanna look/act/or talk a certain way but disregard the WANT to be someone you are not because it's a want NOT A NEED. its unnecessary to be someone other than yourself... as my favorite female poet maya angelou said, "I'm a woman Phenomenally."


PHENOMENAL WOMAN

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman

Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Maya Angelou

freebies.

free obama, "yes we DID IT" stickers...

put the cigarette out

trying to quit.

it became a casual "only when i drink" kinda thing,
so let it be.
but when the nights became days, weeks then months...

i couldn't let something take over me.
i don't take shit from nobody...especially a cigarette.
so here's to quitting.

nov. 20 is american smoke out day, NO not burn out weed out day,
it's stoge out day. ha. but i'm gonna start 13 days early. :)



gramma would be proud.
OR inang would prolly just roll me a fresh tobacco leaf from her stash and tell me to smoke that instead..."mmm, dis one."

HOPE & CHANGE

the two core values that i'm putting my entire faith into.


i think our country is at a point where we cannot afford to just wait and see, we must get up and do what we need to do. the only way is up from here on out. because we as a nation could elect a president not because of his race but because of our firm belief in him, that speaks a million words. Words that tell us of how strong and how loud our voices can be. It'll be a struggle to get through the immense tasks we have ahead of us but we must not falter or lose faith. Doing so would only be a step backward, a step that we can't afford to take in this day and age.


as for the the voters who did not vote for obama or dislike his views, we should all just put that aside because we are human beings fighting to survive and we will only parish if we cannot come together and fix the mistakes that people before us have made.



today is a new day.
and every day after today will be too.

Nov. 4, 2008 Obama/Biden Changes HISTORY!

Watch CBS Videos Online



Hello Chicago!

If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible; who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time; who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer.


It's the answer told by lines that stretched around schools and churches in numbers this nation has never seen; by people who waited three hours and four hours, many for the very first time in their lives, because they believed that this time must be different; that their voice could be that difference.


It's the answer spoken by young and old, rich and poor, Democrat and Republican, black, white, Latino, Asian, Native American, gay, straight, disabled and not disabled -- Americans who sent a message to the world that we have never been a collection of Red States and Blue States: we are, and always will be, the United States of America.


It's the answer that led those who have been told for so long by so many to be cynical, and fearful, and doubtful of what we can achieve to put their hands on the arc of history and bend it once more toward the hope of a better day.



It's been a long time coming, but tonight, because of what we did on this day, in this election, at this defining moment, change has come to America.


I just received an extraordinarily gracious call from Senator McCain. He fought long and hard in this campaign, and he's fought even longer and harder for the country he loves. He has endured sacrifices for America that most of us cannot begin to imagine, and we are better off for the service rendered by this brave and selfless leader. I congratulate him. I congratulate Governor Palin for all they have achieved, and I look forward to working with them to renew this nation's promise in the months ahead.


I want to thank my partner in this journey, a man who campaigned from his heart and spoke for the men and women he grew up with on the streets of Scranton and rode with on that train home to Delaware, the Vice President-elect of the United States, Joe Biden.


I would not be standing here tonight without the unyielding support of my best friend for the last sixteen years, the rock of our family and the love of my life, our nation's next First Lady, Michelle Obama. Sasha and Malia, I love you both more than you can imagine, and you have earned the new puppy that's coming with us to the White House. And while she's no longer with us, I know my grandmother is watching, along with the family that made me who I am. I miss them tonight, and know that my debt to them is beyond measure. To my sister Mya, my sister Alma, all my other brothers and sisters thank you so much for the support you have given to me. I am grateful to them.


To my campaign manager David Plouffe, the unsung hero of this campaign who built the best political campaign I think in the history of the United States of America. To my chief strategist David Axelrod who has been a partner with me every step of the way. To the best campaign team ever assembled in the history of politics -- you made this happen, and I am forever grateful for what you've sacrificed to get it done.


But above all, I will never forget who this victory truly belongs to -- it belongs to you.


I was never the likeliest candidate for this office. We didn't start with much money or many endorsements. Our campaign was not hatched in the halls of Washington -- it began in the backyards of Des Moines and the living rooms of Concord and the front porches of Charleston.


It was built by working men and women who dug into what little savings they had to give five dollars and ten dollars and twenty dollars to this cause. It grew strength from the young people who rejected the myth of their generation's apathy; who left their homes and their families for jobs that offered little pay and less sleep; from the not-so-young people who braved the bitter cold and scorching heat to knock on the doors of perfect strangers; from the millions of Americans who volunteered, and organized, and proved that more than two centuries later, a government of the people, by the people and for the people has not perished from this Earth. This is your victory.


I know you didn't do this just to win an election and I know you didn't do it for me. You did it because you understand the enormity of the task that lies ahead. For even as we celebrate tonight, we know the challenges that tomorrow will bring are the greatest of our lifetime -- two wars, a planet in peril, the worst financial crisis in a century. Even as we stand here tonight, we know there are brave Americans waking up in the deserts of Iraq and the mountains of Afghanistan to risk their lives for us. There are mothers and fathers who will lie awake after their children fall asleep and wonder how they'll make the mortgage, or pay their doctor's bills, or save enough for their child's education. There is new energy to harness and new jobs to be created; new schools to build and threats to meet and alliances to repair.


The road ahead will be long. Our climb will be steep. We may not get there in one year or even one term, but America -- I have never been more hopeful than I am tonight that we will get there. I promise you -- we as a people will get there.


*CROWD CHEERS YES WE CAN*

There will be setbacks and false starts. There are many who won't agree with every decision or policy I make as President, and we know that government can't solve every problem. But I will always be honest with you about the challenges we face. I will listen to you, especially when we disagree. And above all, I will ask you join in the work of remaking this nation the only way it's been done in America for two-hundred and twenty-one years -- block by block, brick by brick, calloused hand by calloused hand.


What began twenty-one months ago in the depths of winter must not end on this autumn night. This victory alone is not the change we seek -- it is only the chance for us to make that change. And that cannot happen if we go back to the way things were. It can't happen without you, without spirit of server, without spirit of sacrifice.


So let us summon a new spirit of patriotism; of service and responsibility where each of us resolves to pitch in and work harder and look after not only ourselves, but each other. Let us remember that if this financial crisis taught us anything, it's that we cannot have a thriving Wall Street while Main Street suffers -- in this country, we rise or fall as one nation; as one people.


Let's resist the temptation to fall back on the same partisanship and pettiness and immaturity that has poisoned our politics for so long. Let us remember that it was a man from this state who first carried the banner of the Republican Party to the White House -- a party founded on the values of self-reliance, individual liberty, and national unity. Those are values we all share, and while the Democratic Party has won a great victory tonight, we do so with a measure of humility and determination to heal the divides that have held back our progress. As Lincoln said to a nation far more divided than ours, "We are not enemies, but friends…though passion may have strained it must not break our bonds of affection." And to those Americans whose support I have yet to earn -- I may not have won your vote, but I hear your voices, I need your help, and I will be your President too.


And to all those watching tonight from beyond our shores, from parliaments and palaces to those who are huddled around radios in the forgotten corners of our world -- our stories are singular, but our destiny is shared, and a new dawn of American leadership is at hand. To those who would tear this world down -- we will defeat you. To those who seek peace and security -- we support you. And to all those who have wondered if America's beacon still burns as bright --tonight we proved once more that the true strength of our nation comes not from our the might of our arms or the scale of our wealth, but from the enduring power of our ideals: democracy, liberty, opportunity, and unyielding hope.


That's the true genius of America -- that America can change. Our union can be perfected. And what we have already achieved gives us hope for what we can and must achieve tomorrow.



This election had many firsts and many stories that will be told for generations. But one that's on my mind tonight is about a woman who cast her ballot in Atlanta. She's a lot like the millions of others who stood in line to make their voice heard in this election except for one thing -- Ann Nixon Cooper is 106 years old.


She was born just a generation past slavery; a time when there were no cars on the road or planes in the sky; when someone like her couldn't vote for two reasons -- because she was a woman and because of the color of her skin.


And tonight, I think about all that she's seen throughout her century in America -- the heartache and the hope; the struggle and the progress; the times we were told that we can't, and the people who pressed on with that American creed: Yes we can.


At a time when women's voices were silenced and their hopes dismissed, she lived to see them stand up and speak out and reach for the ballot. Yes we can.


When there was despair in the dust bowl and depression across the land, she saw a nation conquer fear itself with a New Deal, new jobs and a new sense of common purpose. Yes we can.


When the bombs fell on our harbor and tyranny threatened the world, she was there to witness a generation rise to greatness and a democracy was saved. Yes we can.


*YES WE CAN*

She was there for the buses in Montgomery, the hoses in Birmingham, a bridge in Selma, and a preacher from Atlanta who told a people that "We Shall Overcome." Yes we can.


*YES WE CAN*

A man touched down on the moon, a wall came down in Berlin, a world was connected by our own science and imagination. And this year, in this election, she touched her finger to a screen, and cast her vote, because after 106 years in America, through the best of times and the darkest of hours, she knows how America can change. Yes we can.


*YES WE CAN*

America, we have come so far. We have seen so much. But there is so much more to do.
So tonight, let us ask ourselves -- if our children should live to see the next century; if my daughters should be so lucky to live as long as Ann Nixon Cooper, what change will they see? What progress will we have made?

This is our chance to answer that call. This is our moment.
This is our time -- to put our people back to work and open doors of opportunity for our kids; to restore prosperity and promote the cause of peace; to reclaim the American Dream and reaffirm that fundamental truth -- that out of many, we are one; that while we breathe, we hope, and where we are met with cynicism, and doubt, and those who tell us that we can't, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of a people:

Yes We Can. Thank you, God bless you, and may God Bless the United States of America.


*YES WE CAN*

new love: old love

romance was at its best in the 40s through the 60s.
go rent a few black and white films and indulge your heart.

WARNING: venting ahead. proceed with caution.

lately i've been feeling lost.
i feel like the world had done and gone lost its miiiiind, chiiiild.

these past few weeks i've been wishing that i was physically right next to my mom, holding her hand. i think we're each others anchor, life jacket and helm. don't get me wrong, i can do fine living on my own but i think i've been gone long enough. i dunno why people move away for so long. after i graduate i wanna going to be moving back home to hawaii for a while. at least half a year to get grounded into my roots again.

i've missed out on so much things that i shoulda been around for back home. living here for two years has turned me into someone different. i think its more of my surroundings, both environmental and human surroundings, that's got me feeling like this. i seriously think i need a change of scenary. fuck the wannabes, and shit talking hoochies. i wanna be with freal down to chill, no matter what the deal kinda people. not lame-ass tied to a ball and chain, overly dramatic, claiming they down but they NOT, always saying yes but they say no kinda bull shit people. gross. its a disease and i think Diddy WAS right... bitchassness is takin' over the country!




oh and today, i was told that i'm prolly the most misunderstood person they know. and you know what? its true. it's not like i make myself to be that way. peoples perception of me is all too misconstrued. whether it be through rumours or just their own empty assumptions.

i'm just exhausted. i'm over trying to let people in. its like letting strangers into your house and letting them look through your personal belongings. i hate that feeling. i'd rather invite someone in and show them ME. so if it don't come naturally, why force it? that's why i have this wall built that's got this door and only a few people can get in. but i'm still gonna do me the way i wanna do me.

besides, sometimes (or most of the time), when you put yourself out there you get hurt. this way i've got my football pads on and now i'm untouchable. ha.


thank god winter break is coming soon.
i need me some family, and REAL friends...

the shit starts here.

i'm trying to catch some sleep before i work at WHIP Lounge tonight in Tempe. i expect to take a couple pics, sip a few drinks, dance a bit and i'm out.

-tempe temptress.