WARNING: venting ahead. proceed with caution.

lately i've been feeling lost.
i feel like the world had done and gone lost its miiiiind, chiiiild.

these past few weeks i've been wishing that i was physically right next to my mom, holding her hand. i think we're each others anchor, life jacket and helm. don't get me wrong, i can do fine living on my own but i think i've been gone long enough. i dunno why people move away for so long. after i graduate i wanna going to be moving back home to hawaii for a while. at least half a year to get grounded into my roots again.

i've missed out on so much things that i shoulda been around for back home. living here for two years has turned me into someone different. i think its more of my surroundings, both environmental and human surroundings, that's got me feeling like this. i seriously think i need a change of scenary. fuck the wannabes, and shit talking hoochies. i wanna be with freal down to chill, no matter what the deal kinda people. not lame-ass tied to a ball and chain, overly dramatic, claiming they down but they NOT, always saying yes but they say no kinda bull shit people. gross. its a disease and i think Diddy WAS right... bitchassness is takin' over the country!




oh and today, i was told that i'm prolly the most misunderstood person they know. and you know what? its true. it's not like i make myself to be that way. peoples perception of me is all too misconstrued. whether it be through rumours or just their own empty assumptions.

i'm just exhausted. i'm over trying to let people in. its like letting strangers into your house and letting them look through your personal belongings. i hate that feeling. i'd rather invite someone in and show them ME. so if it don't come naturally, why force it? that's why i have this wall built that's got this door and only a few people can get in. but i'm still gonna do me the way i wanna do me.

besides, sometimes (or most of the time), when you put yourself out there you get hurt. this way i've got my football pads on and now i'm untouchable. ha.


thank god winter break is coming soon.
i need me some family, and REAL friends...