Tuesday, December 30, 2008


The end of this year will be proof that one can truly live past the ups and downs that life is known for.

For me, the year started off at an all time high. i was unstoppable and sturdy as stone. I couldn't see the end of each day because I had no doubts or worries. but of course like a musical composition, every high has its low.

It's amazing to see myself still breathing.

I hit rock bottom not towards the END of the year but right smack dab in the middle. I'm definitely no stranger to drama but this year was completely full of it and how unnecessary it was too! i guess some human beings are born equipped with simple and logical personality traits such as humbleness, sympathy, honor, loyalty, self-respect and compassion. i had to deal with the most ugliest people this year and i'm not talking about their looks but their insides. these people were just cruel and unforgiving. granted i had my faults but i did admit them and even apologized. i'm no longer affected by the unsightly sores that stuck on my body like ticks. i hope they are no longer affected either.

Aside from the teenage drama that my adult being was going through, school was taking its toll on me. i've got a year left to go with my studies and it just keeps getting harder and more competitive in my classes. i may not be doing great as the letters are no longer A's but my work speaks for itself. the one habit i can't break is making my parents proud. to fail at this would only mean failure in my eyes, my parents would still support me no matter the circumstance and this i absolutely love about them.

Family is a bit thing with me but this year it became an even bigger thing. the thought of family became so immense it took over my sense of life and death. I knew the day would come because we will all have our days when we have to give up this grand thing called life. For my grandmother her day was on June 5, 2008. aside from the stupid things and people that tried to bring me down during this time, i felt like i had lost all will to live. inang, my grandma, was a mother to me. i am one of the many lucky people to have had her in their life. no words really cannot express how much she meant to me. the hard part about losing her to cancer was that i had watched her slowly slip away and as morbid as this sounds it actually helped. granted i knew she was going to die because of old age one day but to know that it could be anyday, anytime soon, or within minutes it was life haulting. my world was on pause the second i found out. the words that my mom spoke that night inang died cut my line to reality.

inang had raised me to be the way i am. she helped sow my seed and helped me grow it and took care of me in every way she could and i sure as hell did the same. i knew she loved me as much as i loved her. it still brings me to tears thinking about it and i absolutely despise using past tense as if she's now part of my past. i can't do that because even though she was part of my past she helped make my future, therefore she's always my past, present and future.

Shortly after losing inang I had lost my uncle too. but unlike inang, we didn't even know we were going to say goodbye. we were actually supposed to say hello to him when he was scheduled to arrive in america because his visa had been approved. the irony of it all was that while he was at my aunt's funeral who had also died of cancer, my uncle had suffered a stroke. the event of losing uncle candro hurt mom the most because he was her brother and the only sibling from her side of the family that was going to be able to be here in hawaii to give her support in person and not just over the phone. suffering loss this whole year has taught me a lot. and past all the tears i've gained back the strength to smile again.

going through all of this really tore me down like the unforgiving berlin wall, i was ripped apart by life's will and i was left to build myself back up again on my own. the constant disease of being homesick will always aflict my body but i know in the end home will always be there... but then again I WON'T always be there. my goal for 2009 is to dedicate my entire being to becoming successful in wealth, love and life.

i'm a different person but not necessarily a new human but someone who's improved in the necessary departments. i hope that i can hold my word and truly be happy with everything i do.

happy new year everyone.

1 comment:

Yves said...

we all have our trials and tribulations but all that matters is that you just keep your head up and move foward.
You live, you learn.